Glastonbury Festival

This most joyous event occurs in a field at the occasion orv the Summer Solstice. It is frequented by people who reside in tented accommodation whilst roaming about in a casual and hearty manner amongst cows.

The photograph shows the front orv a crowd, who have enjoyed copious amounts orv chloroform and Battenburg opium cake, as they are entertained by Farmer Dooligan's Dancing Ginger Duck Experience.

The Dance Orv Delirium

There is a fashion amongst certain types to engage in a new form orv frivolous dance. It involves the raising orv the knee slowly and lowering it again, which is repeated until a state orv delirium is achieved.

A demonstration lasting several hours was given by Mr Wallace Ballsover (observe above with caution) who is an expert practitioner orv the dance. He is now recouperating with a poultice and a cup orv tea, and may never regain his former self.

"I am exceedingly muntered," he said.

Private Diary

Hello Diary


Ey can hear something squawking. Is it you?

Is it??

Well, DON'T answer me then!!

*HUMPH!!*


GOOD NIGHT DIARY!!!!!!! :(((

Emergency

Today ey unveiled a statue in a town somewhere. Ey must say it was a little windy during my speach.

"My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen...." *pffft,* "it is with great pleasure.." *PPPFFFFFFFFTT.. PPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT* *PPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT* *PPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTT* *PPPPFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT* *pfft* *PPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTT* *PPPFFFTTT* *PPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT*

Many orv the gathered crowd rapidly dispersed or fell over.

"Come *PPPFFFFFT* *PFFT* back!" ey repeated, but to no avail.

A Count's Conversation

Today ey had luncheon with Sir Clive Cullen-Knutt The Count orv Kent, end his wife The Contessa Titiana Cornelica Tottie-Totts. Ey discovered the Count has a condition known as Unmentionables Syndrome which gives him cause to sparodically exclaim obsenities without warning.

Our conversation was periodically punctuated with hearty bellows orv "INCREDIBLY PLEASING ANKLES!!!" end "BIG STARCHED BLOOMERS!!" end other profanities, delivered with a spray orv sponge cake.

The Contessa expressed her delight at being married to a Count. Ey agreed he certainly seemed like one. "COLOSAL CORSETRY!!!" he yelled. Oh dear.

"GET YER BONNET OFF!!!!"

String Theorum

After sixteen years orv dedicated scientific endevour, involving calculus end such-like, Doctor Hezekiah Cake-Trembler end his eminent team have discovered the answer to the eternal question "How long is a piece orv string?"

The answer was due to be revealed to myself end a small selection orv special guests at a ceremony held yesterday in the Palace Grounds (with entertainment provided by monkeys end a wild bear).

However, as the moment orv enlightenment was upon us, ey experienced a sudden end profound epiphany as ey realized there is occasion to retain a portion orv mystery regarding some mysteries. Fuelled by this, ey seized a sabre from Colonel Jiffy Tiff, lifted up my skirts, then resolutely charged toward the string end reduced it to fragments with a cry orv "HUSSARS!!!" at every cut end thrust.

"How long is it NOW?!!! Haa ha HAAAAAAA!!!"

If we were to know how long a piece orv string is, where would it all end?

Victorian Moon

The latest theory with regard to what exactly is inside the moon has been recently furnished by Professor Titan Porcelain-Trotts.

He is orv the belief, end is also orv the opinion, that it contains within it's outer parameters an inside containing a series orv rotating magic cogs with loose walnuts that move upwards end downwards (Tuesdays excepted).

Ey said to him it did not seem very likely end advised him not to mix his laudanum with his absinthe in future, then ey hit him with a stick.

OBVIOUSLY the walnuts would move upwards end downwards on Tuesdays, any fool knows that.

*sigh*

Musical Revolution

Ey was enraptured as ey entertained the entertainment vigorously provided by Mr Marriott's Victorian Small Faces Orchestra performing a collection orv their own compositions. They are travelling musical entertainers who regard themselves as part orv a new movement known as 'The Moderns.'




They also provided an exotic selection orv herbs end tobaccos from Ogden, end some smoking paraphernalia from Calcutta. As the smoke slowly swirled most charmingly in the light with the music to create a quite heady mixture orv violin power chords end chunky riffs on the harmonium, ey stood up to dance end fell into the percussion section instead.

Ey am orv the firm belief that Schubert end Beethoven will never again hold the same appeal they once held for me after experiencing this Modern music. As Alfred Lord Tennyson once wrote, 'the Grand Father Clocks they are a changin.'

Private Diary

Good evening Diary,

It was a most sunny afternoon in the Palace Grounds today end all the Ladies were diligently flicking their fans. Ey looked et a little sparrow flying across the sun end took a shot at it *BOOM* but unfortunately missed end hit a badger.

Ey picked up what remained orv it then robustly swung the partial badger above my head.. round end around it went.. producing a cooling emanation orv breeze. Suddenly ey began to run passed the gerraniums end on towards the lake which I leapt into, singing
"EXCELSIOOORRRRR!!!!"


Goodnight.

Exploration

Many orv mey loyal subjects enjoy a jolly good adventure, end one orv the most edacious orv them all is Doctor Leonidas Livingstone-Perambulator (observe above) who is a relative orv Doctor Livingstone ey presume. He is a most zealous patriot end an insaciable explorer, ever willing tew penetrate the deepest darkest geographical regions orv our Empire.






Only last week he returned from a perilous journey tew the North orv England where the heathens reside. Despite suffering frightful hardships, such as depleted supplies orv scones end jam, he captured a Yorkshire Pudding end introduced the pursuits orv decorative embroidery end croquet to civilize the depraved inhabitants.

Since Doctor Livingstone-Perambulator's return, ey have rewarded his remarkable bravery bey awarding him the post orv Her Majesty's Venerable Keeper Orv The Royal Something Or Other Plus A Medal.